I find myself feeling increasingly concerned about global disasters, as do many of us in the wake of such terrible world catastrophes and loss.
My mind wanders on to all the things that 'could happen', I find myself thinking constantly about how many terrible things can and do happen.
One moment those people were navigating their way through just another day. And the next they have lost their lives, or their loved ones, and who knows what else.
As I struggle with these concepts I find myself worrying, particularly at night, about the 'what if's' - and there are so many!
It is most acute when Scott is away, and it is definitely NOT a healthy mindset!
In order to get my head around all of this I have found myself thinking long and hard over the past few months, and today I realised I have turned a corner.
I found a prayer coming to mind, and it summed everything up so neatly. But before I get to that I might say a little about the background thinking process.
The first thing I found myself doing was to take a bit of a practical approach.
I asked myself what I would do in an emergency, in all sorts of emergencies, and once the responses settled in my head I found some sort of mental peace.
When I thought about the worst case scenario - something happening to me and the children being left on their own, that immediate on their own thing - what a horrible thought. How could they find someone to help them? And then I realised, the answer is so simple.
If I talk to them in terms of 'just in case mummy looks like she needs a doctor.' and leave it at that. They are smart little people, they will soon know if I need help. Then I show them safe places to go to get help, and make sure they know how to call 000 if they need to.
Obviously this doesn't alleviate the issue of something happening to them, but I simply don't see any plan B for that and can only hope like mad that nothing like that ever happens!
As for me, and the fear of my own death. Well now, there is a doosie to get your head around.
If I consider that the end point of my life may involve pain or distress, I remind myself of how much joy and love I have know in the almost forty years I have managed up until now.
If I really, really ponder on this, I can almost imagine I could die happily.
Having got my head around those concepts there is some sort of peace of mind.
Which leads me to today's little epiphany.
Today when I noticed the same thoughts sneaking in about 'what if' and potential death, a lovely little prayer popped into my mind.
It sums it all up for me.
It is simple, it is heartfelt. And, well...it helps me feel OK with the whole 'whatever will be will be'.
"If I am to die today I thank you Lord for what I been given. If I don't, I thank you for what I can give."